A Maverick Muses

2006-11-26T11:32:00.000-05:00

money maker

Worth the money

2006-11-26T11:28:00.000-05:00

P. Diddy ft Nicole - Come to me

Current Favorite

My latest favorite - yung joc - its going down

2006-07-18T01:08:00.000-04:00

Shake to this! :)

MCP speak

2006-05-16T17:08:00.000-04:00

Diwali, a ABCD perspective

2006-04-25T17:49:00.000-04:00

So, like this huge dude had, like, a big cool kingdom and the people really liked him. But, like, his step-mom, or something, was kind-of-a pain and she forced her husband to, like, send this cool-dude, he was Ram, to some national forest or something... since he was going, for like, something like more than 10 years or so... he decided to get his wife and his bro along... you know... so that they could all chill out together. But DUDE, the forest was reeeeaaaall scary shit... really man... they had monkeys and devils and shit like that. But this dude, Ram, kicked ass with darts and bows and arrows... so it was fine. But then some bad gangsta boys, some jerk called Ravan, picks up his babe (sita) and lures her away to his hood. ANd boy, was our man, and also his bro, Lakshman, got pissed... And you DON't piss this son-of-a-gun cuz, he just kicks ass and like, all the gods were with him... So anyways, you don't mess with gods. So, Ram, and his bro get an army of monkeys... dude, don't ask me how they trained the damn monkeys... just go along with me, ok... so, Ram, Laksh, and their monkeys whip this gangsta's ass in his own hood. Anyways, by this time, their time's up in the forest... and anyways... it gets kind of boring, you know... no TV or mall or shit like that. So, they decided to hitch a ride back home... and when the people realize that, like, our dude, his bro and the wife are back home... they thought, well, you know, at least they deserve something nice... and they didn't have any bars or clubs in those days... so they couldn't take him out for a drink, so they, like, decided to smoke and shit... and since they also had some lamps, they lit the lamps also... so it was priitttty cool... you know with all those fireworks... really, they even had some local musicians play along with the fireworks... and you know, what, dude, that was the very first, I kid you not, that was the very first music-synkronized fireworks... you know, like the 4th of July stuff, but just, more cooler and stuff, you know... And, so dude, THAT was how, like, this festival started. Diwali rocks, maaannn.

Thought for the day

2006-04-25T02:01:00.000-04:00

Too often we lose sight of life's simple pleasures. Remember when someone annoys you it takes 42 muscles in your face to frown. BUT, it takes only 4 muscles to extend your arm and bitch-slap that mother#@$&**!

Linguistic thoughts..

2006-04-10T21:23:00.000-04:00

Why is 'bra' singular, and 'panties' plural?

Learn Chinese in 5 minutes

2006-02-19T14:26:00.000-05:00

Read this aloud.

That's not right...Sum Ting Wong
Are you harboring a fugitive?...Hu Yu Hai Ding?
See me ASAP...Kum Hia Nao
Stupid Man...Dum Gai
Small Horse...Tai Ni Po Ni
Did you go to the beach?...Wai Yu So Tan?
I bumped into a coffee table...Ai Bang Mai Ni
I think you need a face lift...Chin Tu Fat
It's very dark in here...Wai So Dim?
I thought you were on a diet...Wai Yu Mun Ching?
This is a tow away zone...No Pah King
Our meeting is scheduled for next week...Wai Yu Kum Nao?
Staying out of sight...Lei Ying Lo
He's cleaning his automobile...Wa Shing Ka
Your body odor is offensive...Yu Stin Ki Pu

Welcome to the club

2006-02-08T19:36:00.000-05:00

(lol)

Making the world more straightforward

2005-12-05T19:35:00.000-05:00

A roadside display screen.. an inspiration!

2005-11-25T19:18:00.000-05:00

Here are two pictures of Polymer Science Building at UAkron. One in summer and the other in winter.

Exciting, isn't it?!

Se* life of an electron - A Classic!

2005-11-22T18:27:00.000-05:00

One night when his charge was pretty high, Micro Farad decided to get a cute little coil to let him discharge. He picked up Millie Amp and took her for a ride on his megacycle. They rode across the Wheatstone Bridge, around the sine wave, and into a magnetic field next to a flowing current.
Micro Farad, attracted by Millie Amp's characteristic curve, soon had her field fully excited and he couldn't resistor. He laid her on the ground potential, raised her frequency, lowered her resistance, and pulled out his high voltage probe. He inserted it in parallel and began to short circuit her shunt.
Fully excited, Millie Amp cried, "Mho, Mho. Give me Mho!"
"Ohmigod, this is good," shouted Micro. With his tube at maximum output and her coil vibrating from current flow, her shunt soon reached maximum heat.
The excess heat had gotten her shunt pretty hot and Micro's capacitance was rapidly discharging, draining off every electron. They fluxed all night, trying various connections and sockets until Micro's bar magnet had lost all of it's field strength.
Afterward, Millie tried self-inductance and damaged her solenoid. But it didn't phasor. With his battery fully discharged, Micro Farad was unable to excite his transformer. So they ended up by reversing polarity, and blowing each other's fuses.

New Teacher - More little Johnny adventures

2005-11-22T18:25:00.000-05:00

A new teacher was giving an assignment to her class one day. It was a large assignment so she started writing high up on the chalkboard. Suddenly there was a giggle from one of the male students. She quickly turned and asked, "What's so funny Pat?""Well teacher, I just saw one of your garters.""Get out of my classroom," she yells, "I don't want to see you for three days."
The teacher turns back to the chalkboard. Realizing she had forgotten to title the assignment; she reaches to the very top of the chalkboard. Suddenly there is an even louder giggle from another male student. She quickly turns and asks, "What's so funny, Billy?""Well teacher, I just saw both of your garters."Again she yells, "Get out of my classroom!" This time the punishment is more severe, "I don't want to see you for three weeks."
Embarrassed, she drops the eraser when she turns around, so she bends over to pick it up. This time there is an all out belly laugh from another male student. She quickly turns to see Little Johnny leaving the classroom."Where do you think you are going?" she asks."Well teacher, from what I just saw, my school days are over."

:))

Drunks and their talks

2005-11-22T18:22:00.000-05:00

Two drunk men were sitting in the park.
The first one says, "You know, when I was 30 and got a h*rd-on, I couldn't bend it with both hands.""By the time I was 40, I could bend it about 10 degrees if I tried really hard.""By the time I was 50, I could bend it about 20 degrees, no problem. I'm gonna be 60 next week, and now I can almost bend it in half with just one hand."
"So", says the second drunk, "What's your point?"
"Well", says the first, "I'm just wondering how much stronger I'm gonna get!"

(Sounds like Jaat, doesn't he?)

Some Diplomacy...

2005-11-14T23:20:00.000-05:00

A secretary for a foreign embassy was entertaining a wealthy foreign ambassador during lunch at a very expensive restaurant in New York.
The ambassador was so enthralled by the beauty and presence of this secretary that he asked her to marry him. The secretary was startled, but remembered that her boss told her never to insult foreign dignitaries, so she decided to let him down easy.
"I'll only marry you under three conditions."
"Anything, anything," said the ambassador.
"First, you must buy me a 14-karat gold wedding band with a 72 carat diamond, along with a 28 inch studded matching necklace for our engagement."
Without hesitation, the ambassador picked up his cellular phone, called his personal accountant, told him the instructions, and said, "Yes, yes, I buy, I buy!"
The secretary thought that her first request was too easy, so she thought of a more difficult situation.
"Second, I want you to build me a 58-acre mansion in the richest part of the Hamptons along with a 40-acre summer home in the sweetest vineyards of France."
The ambassador picked up his phone, called his personal broker in New York, then called another broker in France, and after his quick conversation, he said, "Yes, yes, I build, I build!"
The secretary was very startled, and knew she must think of a final request that would be impossible to live up to.
"Finally," she said. "I'll only marry you if you have a 10-inch pen*s."
A sad face befell the ambassador, and he cupped his face in his hands. After weeping in his native language for a few minutes, the ambassador slowly lifted his head and said, "Ok, ok, I cut, I cut!"

Some stats

2005-11-14T23:19:00.000-05:00

YEAR 1981
1. PRINCE CHARLES GOT MARRIED
2. LIVERPOOL CROWNED CHAMPIONS OF EUROPE
3. AUSTRALIA LOST THE ASHES
4. POPE DIED
YEAR 2005
1. PRINCE CHARLES GOT MARRIED
2. LIVERPOOL CROWNED CHAMPIONS OF EUROPE
3. AUSTRALIA LOST THE ASHES
4. POPE DIED

IN FUTURE, IF PRINCE CHARLES DECIDES TO RE-MARRY....... PLEASE WARN THE POPE!!

More So..

2005-09-25T04:07:00.000-04:00

Though not so bitchy, as the previous ones.. These quotes by knowns and not-so-knowns are sure to tickle the humor bone..
Happy musing!

"There are only two industries that refer to their customers as 'users'."--Edward Tufte
(know what?!)

"Just because I'm evil doesn't mean I'm not nice."--Charlie Fulton
(so, am I)

"Work is the curse of the drinking classes."Reverend William A. Spooner, known for his twisted versions of cliches, meaning to say "Drink is the curse of the working classes."

"When the going gets weird, the weird turn pro."--Hunter S Thompson

"Grad school is the snooze button on the clock-radio of life."--John Rogers (comedian with a graduate degree in physics)
So true. So true to life :(

Amusing Quotes

2005-09-18T22:42:00.000-04:00

Scientist Speak:

"Scientists tell us that the fastest animal on earth, with a top speed of 120 feet per second, is a cow that has been dropped out of a helicopter."

"Scientists now believe that the primary biological function of breasts is to make males stupid"
(sure!)
- Dave Barry

And Some for the Ladies:

"A liberated woman is one who has sex before marriage and a job after." -- Gloria Steinem
(Cheers ladies!)

And some, err... oops!

"You know that look women get when they want sex? Me neither! " (liar, liar :p)

"It isn`t premarital sex if you have no intention of getting married." -- Drew Carey
(so true!)

"Don't have sex man. It leads to kissing and pretty soon you have to start talking to them." -- Steve Martin (lol!!)

If sex is such a natural phenomenon, how come there are so many books on how to? -- Bette Milder (food for thought!)

.....happy Quoting! :)

Lessons in Economics

2005-07-21T14:02:00.000-04:00

The two most powerful currencies in the world today are the American Dollar and Tits. Whoever owns any of these can buy almost anything or any favour in the world.
Men are always said to be chasing either or both of these.

2005-06-19T14:46:00.000-04:00

SWOT analysis, as they say:
My strength is my wife.My weakness is my neighbour's wife.Opportunity comes when neighbour goes out.Threat comes when I myself go out.

And, there was this moron who was desperate to be Dad to two twins.So,what did he do?Why,it's simple.He made two holes in the co*do*m. (Must've been from IITD :p )

Some curious QA
Q: If a married woman is called Polo... The mint with a hole, then what's an unmarried woman called?
A: Center Fresh

Q. What did the elephant say to the na*ed man?
A. "How do you breath through something so small?"

Q. What do you call kids born in who*ehouses?
A. Brot*el sprouts.
(err..was that sick?? ;)

Words of wisdom:
Whenever you feel low, depressed or useless, remember that you are the same sperm that won a battle against a million others.

The secret to getting rid of unwanted pu*ic hair is to spit. (Goddit? :))

And some words of innocence
One afternoon a little girl excitedly approached her mother, and announced that she had learned where babies come from at school that day. Amused, her mother replied, "Really, sweetie? Why don't you tell me all about it?" The little girl explained, "Well... OK... the mommy and daddy take off all of their clothes, and the daddy's thing sort of stands up, and the mommy puts it in her mouth, and then it sort of explodes, and that's where babies come from." Her mom shook her head, leaned over to meet her eye to eye, and said, "Oh, honey, that's sweet, but that's not where babies come from. That's where jewelry comes from."

Summer Blockbusters

2005-05-26T16:00:00.000-04:00

Q: Why do dogs lick their balls?
A: Because they can't make a fist!!!

(Did ya know that??)

Two guys and a girl were sitting at a bar talking about their lives.
The one guy said, "I'm a YUPPIE. You know, Young Urban Professional."
The second guy responded, "I'm a DINK. You know, Double Income No Kids."They then asked the woman, "What are you?"
She replied: "I'm a WIFE. You know, Wash, Iron, Fu*k, Etc."

(Geez.. Sowwy ladies!)

Q: Whats the definitoin of suspicion?
A: A nun doing pressups in a cucumber field.

:))
..keep (p)wondering

Idle Thoughts..

2005-05-26T15:56:00.000-04:00

The most unfair thing about life is the way it ends. I mean, life is tough. It takes up a lot of your time. And then you die. What's that? A bonus? I think the life-cycle is all backwards.You should die first and get it all over with. Then you live in an old age home. You get kicked out when you're too young. You get a gold watch. You go to work. You work forty years until you're young enough to enjoy your retirement. You do drugs, alcohol and party. You get ready for high school. You go to grade school and become a kid, You play. You have no responsibilities. You become a little baby & go back into the womb. You spend your last nine months floating...Then, you finish off as an orga*m.... nice,huh?

Random Thoughts...

2005-04-30T12:43:00.000-04:00

Some Facts: Any woman that thinks the way to a mans heart is through his stomach is aiming just a little too high.

Height of dehydration: Man eja**la*ing white powder!

One of my friend has named his 3 kids NC, MC and ABC!I asked why, he said: 1st Natural Curiosity, 2nd Mutual Consent & 3rd Absolute Bloody Carelessness.

Latest po*n releases:

Shaving Private Ryan

Position Impossible

As Big As It Gets

Forest Hu*p

Starwho*es

Customer to buxom waitress after reading her name tag: "Susan', thats cute. What did you name the other one?" (Couldn't resist that one! :))

Basics of Marketing:

You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and say, I am very rich. Marry me! That's Direct Marketing.

You''re at a party with a bunch of friends and see a gorgeous girl. One of your friends goes up to her and pointing at you says, He''s very rich. Marry him. That's Advertising.

You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and get her telephone number. The next day you call and say, Hi, I''m very rich. Marry me. That's Telemarketing.

You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and say, I''m rich. Marry me She gives you a nice hard slap on your face. That's Customer Feedback.

Ways to Annoy Your Public Bathroom Stall-Mate

Cheer and clap loudly every time somebody breaks the silence with a bodily function noise.

Drop a marble and say, 'Oh No! My glass eye!'

Grunt and strain real loud for 30 seconds and then drop a stone into the toilet bowl from a height of six feet. Sigh relaxingly. Say, 'Now how did that get in there.'

Fill up a large flask with Mountain Dew. Squirt it erratically under the stall walls of your neighbor's whileyelling, 'Whoa! Easy boy!' :))

Play a well known drum cadence over and over again on your butt cheeks.

2005-04-21T05:50:00.000-04:00

Some Surd Jokes

Santa has three girlfriends, but he does not know which one to marry. So he decides to give each one Rs.10000 and see how each of them spends it.
The first one goes out and gets a total makeover with the money. She gets new clothes, a new hairdo, manicure, pedicure, the works, and tells Santa,"I spent the money so I could look pretty for you because I love you so much."
The second one went out and bought new golf clubs, a CD player, a television, and a stereo and gives them to Santa.She says, "I bought these gifts for you with the money because I love you so much."
The third one takes the Rs 10000 and invests it in the stock market, doubles her investment, returns the Rs 10000 to Santa and reinvests the rest.She says, "I am investing the rest of the money for our future because I love you so much."
The man thought long and hard about how each of the women spent the money, and decided to marry the one with the biggest boobs.

Err.. excuse me for that one.. ;)

Some One-liners you oughtta know..

Virgin Airline ad: "We are more experienced than our name suggests!
*gee*
And this is what every engineer knows: The angle of the dangle is equally proportional to the heat of the meat provided that the urge to surge remains constant.

The most enjoyable form of se* education is the Braille method. (I couldn't agree more!)

There is a fire in the red light area- some come out running and others run out coming! (Just imagine!)

I wonder how long it's gonna be before a feminist pilot refuses to enter the cockpit.

Keep loling..

Some good ol' Clinton Jokes

2005-03-20T20:50:00.000-05:00

When Chelsea Clinton was young she walked in on her mom getting out of the shower. Pointing to her chest she asked her "What are those?"
Hiliary's response was "Oh honey, those are my breasts."
Chelsea asked "Will I get breasts?"
"Yes, when you're older." said Hillary.
A day or two later Chelsea walked in on her dad getting out of the shower. Pointing towards his penis, she asked "What's that?"
Bill responded "Oh honey, that's my penis."
Chelsea asked "Will I get a penis?"
Bill responded, "Yes, when your mother leaves."

And here's one from Lil Johnny's

It is near the end of the school year. The teacher has turned in her grades. There is really nothing to do. All the kids are restless because there is nothing to do and it is near the end of the day. The teacher says, "Whoever answers the questions I ask first and correctly can leave early today."
Johnny says to himself, "Good, I want to get outta here. I'm smart and will answer the question".
The teacher asked, "Who said 'Four Score and Seven Years Ago'?
Before Johnny could open his mouth, Susie said, "Abraham Lincoln". The teacher said, "That's right Susie. You can go". Johnny was MAD that Susie answered first.
The teacher asked, "Who said, 'I Have a Dream'?" Before Johnny could open his mouth, Mary said, "Martin Luther King". The teacher said, "That's right Mary. You can go". Johnny was even MADDER than before that Mary answered first.
The teacher asked, "Who said 'Ask not, what your country can do for you'?" Before Johnny could open his mouth, Nancy said, "John Kennedy". The teacher said, "That's right Nancy. You can go". Johnny was BOILING MAD that Nancy answered first.
Then the teacher turned her back, and Johnny said, "I wish these bitches would keep their mouths shut".
The teacher asked, "WHO SAID THAT?"
Johnny said, "BILL CLINTON, CAN I GO NOW?"

Lil Johnny again! #2

2005-03-20T06:07:00.000-05:00

Little Johnny had a cursing problem and his father was getting tired of it. He decided to ask his shrink what to do. The shrink said that since Christmas was coming up that he should ask Johnny what he wanted Santa to bring him. If he cursed he should leave a pile of dog shit in place of the gift.

Two days before Christmas Johnny's dad asked Johnny what he wanted. Johnny said, "I want a goddamned teddy-bear laying right fucking there beside me when I wake-up Christmas morning. Then when I go downstairs I want to see a motherfuckin' train going around the goddamned tree, and when I go outside I want to see a red-assed fuckin' bike leaning up against the damn garage!"

Christmas morning Little Johnny woke up and rolled over into a big pile of dog shit.

Confused, he walked downstairs and saw a bunch of dog shit around the Christmas tree. Scratching his head, he walked outside and saw a huge pile of dog shit by the garage.

When he walked back inside with a curious look on his face, his Dad smiled and asked, "So Johnny, what did Santa bring you this year?" Johnny replied, "I think I got a goddamned dog but I can't find the son of a bitch.

From my own pick of tricks of irritating people ;)

2005-03-20T06:00:00.000-05:00

How to maintain a healthy level of (in)sanity:

At lunchtime, sit in your parked car with sunglasses on and point a hair dryer at passing cars. See if they slow down.
Insist that your email address is: Xena_Warrior_Princess@companyname.com or Elvis_the_King@companyname.com
Every time someone asks you to do something, ask if they want fries with that.
Put your garbage can on your desk and label it "IN."
Develop an unnatural fear of staplers.
In the memo field of all your checks, write 'for sexual favors.'
Reply to everything someone says with, "That's what you think."
Ask people what sex they are. Laugh hysterically after they answer.
Go to a poetry recital and ask why the poems don't rhyme.
Send email to the rest of the company to tell them what you're doing. For example, "If anyone needs me, I'll be in the bathroom, in stall 3."
Put mosquito netting around your cubicle. Play a tape of jungle sounds all day.
Five days in advance, tell your friends you can't attend their party because you're not in the mood.
Have your coworkers address you by your wrestling name, Rock Hard.
When the money comes out of the ATM, scream "I Won! I Won! 3rd time this week!"
When leaving the zoo, start running towards the parking lot yelling, "Run for your lives, they're loose!"
Tell your children over dinner, "Due to the economy, we are going to have to let one of you go."

LIttle Johnny's Adventures # 1

2005-02-27T08:15:00.000-05:00

Here's for the "curious" of all of you!

Little Johnny was 12 years old and, like other boys his age, was rather curious. He had been hearing quite a bit about "courting" from older boys and he wondered what it was like and how it was done. One day he took his question to his mother who became rather flustered. Instead of explaining things to Johnny, his mother told him to hide behind the curtains one night and watch his older sister and her boyfriend. This he did. The following morning, Johnny described everything to his mom. "Sis and her boyfriend sat and talked for awhile then he turned off most of the lights. He then started hugging and kissing her. I figured Sis must be getting sick because her face started to look funny. He must have thought so too because he put his hand inside her blouse to feel her heart just like the doctor would do. He was not as smart as a doctor because he seemed to be having trouble finding it. "I guess he was getting sick too because pretty soon both of them started panting and getting all out of breath. His other hand must have been cold because he put it in her skirt. About this time Sis got worse and began to moan and groan and squirm around and slide down towards the end of the couch. This is when the fever started. "I knew it was the fever because Sis said she felt real hot. Finally I found out what was making them so sick. A big eel had gotten inside his pants somehow. It just jumped out of his pants and stood there, about 10 inches long, honest. Anyway, he grabbed it in one hand to keep it from getting away. "When Sis saw it, she got real scared, her eyes got big and her mouth fell open and started calling to God and stuff. She said it was the biggest one she ever saw...... I should have told her about the one down at the lake. "Sis got brave and tried to kill the eel by biting its head off. All of a sudden she made a noise and let the eel go. I guess it bit her back. Then she grabbed it with both hands and held it tight while her boyfriend took a muzzle out of his pocket and slipped it over the eel`s head to keep it from biting again. "Sis lay back and spread her legs so she could get a scissor lock on it and he helped by laying on top of the eel. The eel put up a hell of a fight. Sis started groaning and squealing and her boyfriend almost upset the couch. I guess he wanted to kill it by squeezing it between them. "After a while they both quit moving and a great sigh came forth. Her boyfriend got up, and sure enough, the eel was dead. I knew it was dead because it just hung there limp with some of its insides hanging out. "Sis and her boyfriend were a little tired from the battle but they went on courting anyways. He started hugging and kissing her again. By golly the eel wasn`t dead after all. It jumped straight up and started to fight again. I guess eels are like cats with 9-lives. "This time Sis jumped up and tried to kill the eel by sitting on it. After 35 minutes of struggling, they finally killed it. I knew it was dead because I saw Sis`s boyfriend peel its skin off and flush it down the toilet....."

Happy Laffing!

The boat and the rejection lines

2005-02-26T17:59:00.000-05:00

Statement of purpose:
Jokes and Humour are my passion. Smart, stupid, veg, non-veg, friendly, obscure, light, absolutely disgusting - you name it, I love it!So, here is a lil bit of sharing. Will post here the ones I just couldn't resist sharing from the innumerable I read on the net.

DISCLAIMER: If you are less than 18 OR sensitive to some issues, then read at your own risk!

Here goes the first of the series:

The Old Boat
~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Joe and John were identical twins.
Joe owned an old dilapidated boat and kept pretty much to himself. Oneday he rented out his boat to a group of out-of-staters who ended upsinking it. He spent all day trying to salvage as much stuff as hecould from the sunken vessel and was out of touch all that day and mostof the evening.
Unknown to him, his brother John's wife had died suddenly in hisabsence. When he got back on shore he went into town to pick up a fewthings at the grocery. A kind old woman there mistook him for John andaid, "I'm so sorry for your loss,You must feel terrible."
Joe, thinking she was talking about his boat said, "Hell no!
Fact is I'm sort of glad to be rid of her. She was a rotten old thingfrom the beginning. Her bottom was all shriveled up and she smelledlike old dead fish. She was always holding water. She had a bad crackin the back and a pretty big hole in the front too. Every time I usedher, her hole got bigger and she leaked like crazy."
"I guess what finally finished her off was when I rented her to thosefour guys looking for a good time. I warned them that she wasn't verygood and that she smelled bad. But they wanted her anyway. The damnfools tried to get in her all at one time and she split right up themiddle."
The old woman fainted.

(ch..ch..ch! Poor boat!!)

And here are some that every guy's gonna need some day!

Rejection lines used by Men
:10. I think of you as a sister. (Translation: You're ugly.)
9. There's a slight difference in our ages. (Translation: You're ugly.)
8. I'm not attracted to you in 'that' way. (Translation: You're ugly.)
7. My life is too complicated right now. (Translation: You're ugly.)
6. I've got a girlfriend. (Translation: You're ugly.)
5. I don't date women where I work. (Translation: You're ugly.)
4. It's not you, it's me. (Translation: You're ugly.)
3. I'm concentrating on my career. (Translation: You're ugly.)
2. I'm celibate. (Translation: You're ugly.)
And,the hit of them all:
1. Let's be friends. (Translation: You're sinfully ugly.)

On that rejection note, good bye and cheers!